September 11, 2021

The Pain of Incarceration Part 2: I thought You loved Me

Pastor Richard Jackson

It’s not their intent to hurt their children. Please note this article today, isn’t serving as a defense for the violators, but a reminder, in most situations, the intent is not to harm their child, break the promise, return to drugs, alcohol or prisons.

Broken promises are the norms, for those children with a parent(s) incarcerated. It’s not the intent of the parent, for the most part, to break their promises.

It’s not their intent to hurt their children. Please note this article today, isn’t serving as a defense for the violators, but a reminder, in most situations, the intent is not to harm their child, break the promise, return to drugs, alcohol or prisons.

Nope that’s not the intent but it’s of no real importance to the child or the person in that relationship. See this is the conversation upon returning home from rehab or prison. “I swear to God, I put that on my mother, I love you too much to hurt you again.

That’s real talk. I love you too much. I missed you so bad. On my mother, I will not return or get high again”.  When a person lets down their walls and allows re-entry back into their life, only to be hurt again that hurts!

The pain of incarceration can cause depressions especially for children. Not to say it doesn’t for adults as well but let’s put a pin there for a moment.

My youngest daughter Delilah saw the police arrest me and take me away, while she was almost 3 years. I had made a promise to my oldest daughter Dana, not to return but here I was, headed for familiar territory with an uncertainty of the length of stay. It didn’t matter the case wasn’t new.

 It didn’t matter the attorney didn’t appear in court, so a warrant was issued. NO! Dad you lied to me. My son Neil and my other daughter Jolonda, are crying as I am handcuffed, as their mother looks at me ‘Richard, you said you stop shoplifting, I hate you’.

The pain of incarceration is so bitter. Relationships can be lost, marriage broken, children failing in schools, some thinking they are the cause. The women left behind, now must adjust to EVERYTHING different in their life. Bills will not get an extension date until he returns.

Children needs don’t stop! One income only coming in now and not ever family member wants to pull together to help with the load. Not every child feels she/he should because the pain of incarceration hurts beyond reasoning sometimes.

Photo by Pastor Richard Jackson

I will be amiss if I didn’t add, there are many fathers especially, who miss their families and loved their families in the right way. However, there is system out here and my next article will share more. But let’s move back to the topic.

No matter how much she loves her husband, only a few women, will make the sacrifices to be loyal and denied her-self. I was blessed to have one.

It’s a sad indictment, if placed in reverse, over 75% of the men would not be faithful to the women they are begging every week for funds. And in all fairness, should her life be placed on hold again?  

Pain of incarceration, girls, left unprotected, according to a study held at Penn State run the risk of failure. Parental intimacy is extremely important during those adolescence years and when those children are left unprotected, they suffer from depression, low self-esteem, weight gain, and with low academia test scores, pole vaulting them into early sexual encounters and teenager pregnancy.

Despite what one has been taught, fathers tend to be needed more for girls during this stage of their lives than mothers sometimes, but the pain of incarceration has placed gap between them and now they are left unprotected.

No time of consideration was given to our choices about our children needs and our wives needs or lady friend needs, we thought, without thorough examination of the consequences.

The end justified the means until we sat down in that cell and the pain of incarceration slapped us in the face like a ton of bricks. The pain spreads rapidly as mail falls off, visits aren’t regular anymore, and if at all, no more funds.

Specifically, gamble debts has causes people to be sold, killed, abused because the pain of incarceration is bitter and spares no one. The pain of incarceration can cause one to be placed in segregation during incarceration because of the stance one take.

Pain of incarceration can be felt through correctional officers and permitted by the institution heads, though they play brand new.

Photo by Pastor Richard Jackson

Place persons under investigation in solitary confinement for 6 months – 3 years. No visits, no calls, mail may and may not get delivered. Food may be cold, may get a shower if they want you too.

Will tell your family, who has driven over 3-4 hours, some 8 hours to see their loved ones, that person has visit restrictions, but you spoke to him last night. The pain of incarceration has told persons they are being released from prison, only to have their release date taken, even though the prison knew two weeks earlier.

Pain of incarceration, the period of readjustment back into society and with that family left behind isn’t easy nor in most case welcome because the pain of incarceration hurts, and those open wounds have yet to be healed.

One can’t heal where they trust not. One can’t heal when the walls to entry have been closed due to broken promises. One can’t receive their parents as parents, now they are adults, raising their own children successfully and without prejudice or any regrets.

Children and the mothers are still dealing with the sentence and verbal commit I love you. Why does love feel so bad? When will love taste good, feel good, act good for me? Some thoughts roaming through the minds of those left behind to deal with life demands.

More reading:

https://nij.ojp.gov/topics/articles/hidden-consequences-impact-incarceration-dependent-children

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